20 Weeks

I wrote this last week but just now got around to dropping the ultrasound pics in so I could post it.

Today we had our 20 week appointment at the birth center. It was with a midwife I'd met before and like. She's very German (I don't know how else to say it) but was also kind and understanding at my first appointment when I was still very nervous after our previous loss. Baby's heartbeat was ~150 and I am measuring 23 cm at 20 weeks, which is big but not enough to be of concern. I find that this baby is growing in spurts more than Henry did. It's almost worrisome that I am not growing at all and then BAM! my belly grows noticeably overnight. That happened last week so I'm guessing that explains the big measurement.

During the appointment I mostly just wanted the midwife to shut up and move it along so we could get to our ultrasound. With Henry I didn't even want to find out until Husband talked me into it, but this time I have been dying to know if it was a boy or a girl since the beginning. I just want it to be healthy, I'll be happy for Henry to have a brother, I love being the mom of a boy, yadda, yadda, yadda, but we both were hoping for a girl, to be honest.

Of course that's not the point of the ultrasound, so you have to play it cool at first. It was both interesting and emotional to see all the little parts as the tech measured them. I really liked the guy who did the ultrasound. It felt more thorough than Henry's, but maybe that's just because he explained each step to us very clearly. Everything he examined and measured looked perfect - brain, heart, stomach, diaphragm, femur, tiny little feet, placenta position. He also said the weight of the baby and the volume of the amniotic fluid were both spot on for 20 weeks, so my fundal measurement is probably just cause I'm fat (my interpretation, not his). It was crazy because I didn't feel any movement at all as the baby rolled around, and at one point seemed to pet the inside of my uterus. It makes me wonder what kind of acrobatics are going on when I do feel it.

Face and belly in profile.

Tiny feet.

So of course we were thrilled that baby is healthy, and quite photogenic, but WHAT IS IT? The tech zoomed in between the legs and said, "What do you think?" Husband and I were both afraid to answer. There wasn't an obvious penis, but I couldn't tell what was what in Henry's ultrasound either so I was afraid to say girl. Husband didn't want to insult his manhood if there was indeed manhood there. With us unwilling to go out on a limb for fear of emotionally scarring our fetus, the tech jumped in and said girl. He even typed it on the screen, so it must be true. Apparently those two little lines are labia. I asked him a total of three times during the ultrasound, and his answer didn't change. Aren't her tiny little labia soooooo cute?

This is taken from below, back/butt on the left, one leg on the upper right,
other leg out of view, probably kicking my bladder.

So we are thrilled, both to have a peek at the wee one, and to know that we can start calling it a she instead. It's exactly what we've always wanted, but it almost feels too perfect. I know it's the experience of miscarriage talking, but it's hard not to keep saying "if we have a girl someday." Pregnancy is just different after a loss, both in good ways and bad.

We showed Henry the ultrasound pictures and told him it was a girl baby. He cared very little about this information. Tonight at bedtime I told him again that the baby in mama's belly is a girl baby and he said, "boy baby, no girl baby," very seriously. Well, sorry kid.