This is How Moms Let Themselves Go

I went to Old Navy today to get Henry out of the house and shop for some clothes. I am very sad that cool weather is around the corner and I still don't fit into my normal clothes. Now I have to buy myself an entire new fall wardrobe a size or two larger than the one I currently own. I hoped to be able to say nine months on, nine months off, but to meet that goal I would have to lose 15 pounds in two months. I don't really see that happening as long as I am nursing Henry.

So I wandered around for a while and found myself drawn primarily to pajama pants and hoodies. But seeing as I endeavor to actually leave the house this fall, I soldiered on. It wasn't easy, as I now have the following requirements when buying an article of clothing:

• Less than $20 (refuse to invest too much money in a wardrobe I don't plan on needing for long)
• Nothing labeled "low rise" or "skinny"
  
• I am oddly drawn to phrases like "roomy through the seat" and "hidden tummy panel"
• Nothing that requires ironing
• No cargo pants or front pockets or anything else that draws unnecessary attention to the hips and thighs
  
• No single digit sizes (who am I kidding?) and nothing over a size 12 because I would rather just wear stretchy pants every day
• No dresses (it's hard to discreetly nurse in public with my underwear showing)
  
• Can't make me look like I am currently pregnant

This list means that my wardrobe consists almost entirely of t-shirts and high-waisted denim bottoms purchased from the sale rack at Old Navy or Target. In my mind this is only temporary, but what if I never lose these last 15 pounds? And then we have another kid and I add 15 more? Do I admit defeat and start buying clothes in an unspeakable size that actually fit me? That cost more than $20 and are well-made? Probably not. Probably by the time I reach this sort of acceptance we will have to pay for Henry's braces or something.

This is how it happens. This is how you go from cute young married woman to frumpy tragic mom in the carpool lane who doesn't even remember owning a pair of dress pants. It almost motivates me to get up early tomorrow morning and work out. Almost.