In Soviet Russia Baby Trains You

Sorry for the accidental blog vacation. I haven't posted for the past few days for the same reason I didn't blog for the first five months of Henry's life: I'm exhausted. This kid is wearing Mama out! After briefly dipping his toe in the sleeping through the night pool, he is back to waking up at least twice a night. I think it's a combination of hunger (still struggling with solids) and not ever getting back on track after visiting the in-laws a couple of weeks ago.

It's like deja vu all over again, except this time I feel like I am a wiser mommy who is better able to handle the stress of a baby who will not sleep or eat when the books say he is supposed to. Mostly this is because I took a big stack of those books to Half Price recently. I only made $10, but the symbolism was priceless. Adios, Baby Whisperer. I hate that bitch! I think a 300 page critique of my thighs would make me feel better about myself than that book. Very condescending, like I know you didn't mean to royally screw up your baby, love, but I will show you how to fix him.

I spend a lot of the early months of mommyhood trying to train my baby, but it turns out I needed to let him train me. I tended to approach him as I did third graders, which is not, as they say, developmentally appropriate. I had structure and rules and consequences in my classroom, but none of that applies to a six month old. As much of a struggle as it has been, I feel like he has changed my paradigm in a way that will help me parent him better from this point forward. Now that I am a little more Zen about this whole baby thing I am learning a lot from him.

I have learned that he's a fan of ingenuity, as no single textbook method has ever worked for him. Crying it out worked beautifully for bedtime, but never for naps. For naps I had to hold him in my arms for every nap for a couple of weeks like Dr. Sears says before he would sleep in his crib, even though the first book said I should be consistent and that it would confuse him to do something different for naps and bedtime. (By the way, any expert who says their method will work for every baby is trying to sell a book, not help me figure out my kid.)

Also, he will not do anything when I want him to. He will not spit up when I have a burp cloth in my hand, he will not poop until just after I put a fresh diaper on him, and he seems to know when I am really deperate for him to fall asleep because then he is all smiles. I have to fake him out in order to get him to eat solids. I put the bowl just out of his reach and then pretend I am going to take a bite myself. Suddenly he becomes very interested in his pureed squash. I should write a book about reverse psychology and the infant. I guarantee it will work every time.